Lawyers get things done. Lawyers defend. Lawyers object. Lawyers litigate. Lawyers prosecute. Lawyers file. Lawyers argue. Lawyers read the collected documents and really get something out of them, really whittle them down to a point that points towards something. Lawyers trawl through the the detritus of incidents - mistakes - deals - contracts - etc - and selectively arrange their findings to give them meaning, purpose, and, whenever possible, monetary value. A good lawyer can effectively strip any point of its randomness. To a good lawyer, nothing is incidental, unless it is. Nothing is accidental, unless it is. A brief outgoing phone call made on September 18th at 2:23pm can become the axis on which the world - or - a world, at least - spins.

I am not doing well. I am not sure whether this matters. I’m beginning to think I’ve spent the last four years - the last 15 years, maybe - putting so much emphasis on “I” that the “I” has become meaningless. A good lawyer can, however, find meaning in any word. A good lawyer can pin meaning to any word. Lawyers select. Lawyers extract. Some lawyers refer to Ann Taylor Loft just as “Loft,” as in, “are your pants Loft?” Some lawyers can wear skirt suits without looking like Margaret Thatcher. Some lawyers are old men whose wives wear mabé pearl clip-on earrings and win local community awards for their philanthropic contributions. Most lawyers probably refer to themselves as “I.” Most lawyers probably refer to their clients as “my client.” Lawyers say things like “I object.”

Maybe I should go to law school. Maybe I should find meaning in details. Maybe, one day, with training and practice, I will learn to object.


Question: How far (in feet) is the closest owl to me right now?

Request: I would like to be mapped in relation to the closest owl.

Question: How far away (in feet) is the closest owl to me right now? What is the distance (in feet) between me and that owl?

Request: I would like to live a full and rich life

Question: If I saw myself mapped in relation to the closest owl would I be like "whoa! He's closer than I thought!" or would I be more like "okay."

Request: We would like tap water to start, please.

Question: Why all the helicopters? For what? To what end?

Request: Please have your ticket ready before boarding.

Advice: Life is a work of art - you gotta paint it colorful.

Proverb: [Some birds] rush in where [other birds] fear to tread.

Announcement: It's a boy! It's a boy bird!

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