Greetings, loved ones / Let's take a journey

> read my private diary

> meet people I know and don't know

> explore my garden

> learn about sinks!

> about me

> eworm home

Dear Diary:


I deserve an early 2000s movie makeover where a gay-coded but never explicitly outed stylist tut-tuts my old sweatpants/frizzy hair/glasses and then, along with a crew of young attractive women, gives me cut/color/blowout/wax/nails/contacts/new designer wardrobe all gratis during a pop-backed feel-good montage, revealing a hidden beauty I never knew I possessed.

This is the American Dream that was promised me, which I have been unjustly denied.

[note: early 2000s America's Next Top model makeovers are the other side of this coin, an American Nightmare reserved for the nation's tall & slender]


Unsure how to become a brand.


I suspect that I might be wasting my life.


J— must have shown up at my dad’s apartment in West Hollywood one day in 1990 and said something like "I got a new video camera, can I film you giving a little apartment tour?"

I found it today on DVD.

I thought I would recognize his voice. I didn't. The years have passed and I've forgotten my own dad’s voice.

I should be able to write some insightful and evocative description of how I feel. I've got nothing. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm a little bloated. My nose is dripping.

He was really, really effortlessly funny.

I want to be the kind of person who feels watched over and guided, like those athletes who win Olympic medals and get interviewed while sweating patriotically after the race and say my grandma is here with me today, this win is for her, and then gesture heavenwards. Moving forward, I will try to feel both watched over and guided. I will try to finish projects I start. I will try to learn guitar. I will try to cry less - my eyes are very swollen and I get snotty, which means I can't even become the kind of hot girl who posts post-cry pictures on instagram with vague captions about grief/perseverance/wellbutrin. I will try to get to bed earlier. I will try very very hard to feel watched over and guided.

Today someone tried to assassinate Trump.


This week I appeared in 5 LinkedIn searches.